Chic in China - Are You Secure Enough To Be Alone?

Are You Secure Enough To Be Alone?

You know when you are sitting by yourself at a table in a restaurant, waiting for your friend, that is now running 20 minutes late. You check your phone for the 10^thtime in 2 minutes, you sip your water and you nibble on a breadstick, trying to look like you have not been stood up. You are trying to send out a signal like “Hey, don't worry about me, my friend is just running late, I am secure enough to sit here by myself.”

At least now we have cell phones and iPads that we can hook up to the restaurants Wi-Fi so we can keep busy checking Instagram, Facebook, twitter, maybe even watch an episode of our favorite TV-show, so we are not force to sit there awkwardly and stare into space, avoiding eye contact with anyone who might give us a look of pity.

Do any of you recognize yourself?

What is it with this fear of being alone? I mean, it is just for a little while. It's like we have this fear of other people judging us, thinking that we are lonely, sad and don't have any friends. But should it really be this hard to go out on your own? Could you go out for dinner and drinks on a Friday night by yourself, without picking up your phone even once? Could you? Are you secure enough to be alone?

If you are used to always having people around you or having your phone in hand whenever you have a moment alone, chatting and texting with friends, going cold turkey can be really difficult. So to ease into it, here are some things you can try to do by yourself:

Go to the movies.

Going to the movies is the perfect thing to do when you are not used to being by yourself. Usually when you go to the movies you put your phone away anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem. And you wouldn't have to be afraid of people looking at you since the room will be dark and everyone will be looking at the movie.

Go to an exhibition or museum.

The key to starting to feel comfortable doing things on your own is to keep your mind occupied so you don't have time to look at your phone or start worrying about "what other people think". Going to some kind of exhibition or museum will for sure keep you occupied, and if you feel uncomfortable just looking the best thing to do is to have something in your hand; a coffee, champagne (if it’s a fancy event) or just a brochure about the things you are looking at. When you have something in your hand you will feel less “naked”.

Read a book or magazine.

Try going to your favorite coffee shop and sit down with a book or a magazine. When you are engrossed in some reading the outside world and time seems to disappear and you won’t even notice if there are people around you and what they are doing (plus, reading makes you look smart.)

Go for a walk.

A great way to get alone-time (and exercise) is to go for a walk. Since you are constantly moving you won't feel like people are staring at you in the same way as when you are sitting still. And if they are looking, they are probably thinking that they wish they were as invested in fitness as you are.

Look at people.

When you feel confident and secure with being on your own you won’t need a book or magazine to keep you occupied, you can just sit there comfortably with your coffee and look at people. Imagining who they are, what their life is about and where they are going. A big plus if it is sunny so you can wear sunglasses; makes you look good and keeps people from noticing that you are watching them.

We don't always have to stare at a screen, check Instagram and communicate with people - even though we have anything important to say. Sometimes the person you need to spend time with is yourself, and it's important to be able to feel comfortable with yourself and your own thoughts. Now and then take some time to practice being alone. Practice being your own best friend.