The Thought Process of a Hangover
Oh great, there's my bag. Shit! Where is my phone? Fuck! Did someone steal my phone? Damn it! I can’t believe this! Why did I have those last shots? God, I know I can’t handle those, seriously, when will I ever learn?! I am never fucking drinking again!
Oh, sweet, sweet water! Where are my ibuprofens…there they are, thank god. My head and neck is killing me! Did I….did I dance on a table last night? I remember looking down on people from somewhere high up… Did I challenge people to a twerk-off..?!
Why do I never learn? I am almost 25, I should not get into situations like this anymore, I am too old, I can’t bounce back like I used to! I should just have taken a cab home when they wanted to go to that club. I should have gone home, taken a hot bath and watched an episode on Netflix, then this would never have happened.
My phone! What the hell is it doing in the fridge? I must have tried to find something to eat last night... Oh, it is still working, yes! Me: 1 Drunk me: 0. Uh, did I post stuff on Instagram last night..? No, no, no.. Phew, ok that is actually a pretty cute picture... that one is alright to... well, could have been worse... OMG! Why the hell did I post this on Instagram! I look horrible! I have to take it down! Oh, 100 likes.... maybe I should keep it up.
Ok, I need to eat something or I will pass out right here and now. Hmm, well, I guess McDonalds is the cure to this. Ooh, I should get ice cream to! “Yes, Hi! I would like to order a Big Mac. Yes, menu. Yes, big coke and big fries. And can I get some chicken wings? Hmm… 3 pieces. Oh, and some ice cream. Apple pie? Eh, ok, why not. How many people are eating..? Euhm.... 3 people. Ok thank you very much!” God, I’m such a pig…
Ew, I really need a shower now, I smell like smoke and regret. If I scrub hard enough maybe I'll be able to get rid of last night's shame as well...